Part one: The caterpillar in the tree

There was a warm breeze that seemed to wisp pass her delicate pink cheeks, as she ran happily in her backyard playing with her younger sister. Her deep brown thick bouncy hair moved softly from side to side as she ran around. An excited smile plastered on her face; joy seemed to reverberate in the air as they childishly hopped on with no worries. Her mother smiled back at them calling them into the house to eat and they thought to complain as they were not done playing but swiftly complied. Laura was a very playful child; she revered her mother and her little sister. She greatly enjoyed their company, and they were her family. They sat around the table eating delicious sandwiches their mother had prepared. They shared happy laughs across the table, hopeful for the rest of the day. Their mother would gaze at them chattering on in awe of the beautiful, intelligent daughters she had brought into this world.

That was a memory she would often drift to; it had the amazing effect of bringing her a sense of calmness but also great sadness. Though that moment beautiful it was rather fleeting and something she held on to for so long to bring her comfort. In that memory Laura was only nine years old and her younger sister was only six years old. She often looks back at that time and she rather unfairly ridicules herself for not appreciating it more, as life changed rapidly to something way darker. A few years after the memory, Laura had woken up in the morning eager to go to school, her and her sister would often walk to school together. They did just that on said day. Their mother dutifully greeted them before they left and gave them their lunches that she had prepared for them and left soft kisses on each of their foreheads. They walked out happily ready to take on the day.

School that day was nothing out of the ordinary, they moved through the day quite swiftly, attentively engrossed in their classes as they were great learners, who found immense pride in applying themselves to do their best. Their mother valued them taking their education seriously, as she instilled its importance to them every day without fault. Laura had always hoped to one day become a lawyer to protect and defend the less fortunate, she had hoped to also one day travel the world through her career as she was a free spirit at heart like her mother. That day at school ended in a blink of an eye, they looked forward to sharing their day at school with their ‘mama’ as they enjoyed rambling on to her about things that they experienced throughout their day. Laura waited for her sister outside the school gate, she was smiling and then out of nowhere, a sharp tense feeling pierced in the pit of her stomach. It felt immensely uncomfortable, changing her mood almost instantly. Her sister finally appeared and received a glare of urgency from her older sister. She promptly apologised for the delay.

They started walking home quickly as Laura was feeling unwell, unsure of where this discomfort was coming from. They didn’t take long on their journey back home as it was not very far away. As they approached their home gate, they heard a loud piercing shrill. They began hastily moving inside to find their mother lying on the floor, clutching her  chest, sobbing loudly. “Mama” they both shouted in unison, fearful and overcome by tears. “I…I feel pain in  my chest “ her mother said shaking. Laura’s mom began hyperventilating clearly running out of breath, tears slowly falling down her eyes. The oldest, Laura trying to get to the landline to call the hospital, screaming on the phone for attention as she feared her mother might not make it. As she soon realised no one was answering the telephone, so she ran back to her mother on the floor and held her, crying sadly, pleading with her mother to fight a little harder. Her little sister just kept crying, looking up at Laura in fear of what was going to happen. Laura held her mother looking down at her as she found it difficult to breathe “Mommy, please keep fighting” she exclaimed.

She gently lay her on the side of the kitchen island and ran outside to try find help from the neighbours. She loudly screamed “Help, help, I need your help”. She knocked on the door of the house next door they knew the family well so she knew she could trust them. The lady that lived there opened the door to see a dishevelled Laura, looking helplessly back at her. “Mama is experiencing intense pains in her chest, she is having difficulty breathing” Laura said quite in matter of a fact way. The neighbour did not any waste time and urgently sprinted to Laura’s home, as they arrived their neighbour  tried her level best to keep Laura’s mom breathing and ensuring she did not close her eyes until they finally got hold of the ambulance. Which arrived in what felt like hours later, they swiftly put her mother on the stretcher, and they left with Laura and her little sister to the hospital.

Laura looked at her mother in hope of her surviving this entire ordeal. She looked at her younger sister’s tear-stained face and unsettled demeanour and all she knew to do in that moment was bring her closer and embrace her in a hug. She had hoped the hug would bring her comfort, but she knew that this moment would change the rest of their lives. They finally arrived at the hospital and their mother was immediately rushed to the emergency room. They waited in the waiting room, clutching each other’s hands and immensely worried about news on their mother’s condition. The neighbour arrived a few minutes after they had arrived and sat quietly with Laura and her sister. Laura began to pace up and down as it felt like it was taking hours. The doctor finally appeared and since Laura was a minor, he told the news to their neighbour. Laura stared attentively at the doctor as he spoke with such calmness, she was hopeful it could possibly be good news. The neighbour looked devastated as she moved towards them. She reiterated what the doctor had said. She said that they had tried all they could, but her heart stopped due to the heart attack, they did not succeed with resuscitating her and they did not manage to save her.

Laura’s heart immediately fell to her stomach as she heard the news, it was as if the whole world went silent and all she could hear, and feel was pain. A warm tear escaped her eye and she slowly descended to the floor, defeated.

Part two: Metamorphosis

This was the worst day of her life, she thought. Things could not get any worse, as the worst thing she could think of had just occurred. She had never imagined she would lose her mother, she always thought she would be a figure in her life that would always be there, but it is unfortunate that she was wrong. She did not know how she was supposed to be feeling, she felt numb. She required explanation; How could such a tragic thing have happened ? How could she leave them alone in this world so young? Why? All those unanswered questions circled her mind. She could not help but think of her sister, she still needed Mama, a whole lot more. Laura was only fifteen years old and now had to take on the role of taking care of her younger sister. She had to grow up now, be the woman her mother would have been proud of. It would not be any easy feat as they were all alone now. Their father died when they were very young, and they had no contact with family from both sides of the family. Their mother kept to herself, she also chose not to have many friends and acquittances. So, they were all alone now.

The funeral was attended by very few people as their mother did not know many people. It was brief and equally painful. The whole day of the funeral, Laura felt very cold, though it was a very sunny day.   The day went by very quickly, she made her way back home to an empty house, her sister was there but it felt hollow and lifeless without the presence of her mother.  A couple of months after the death of her mother, they experienced a lot of difficulties, as they were now on their own. Laura had to go find a parttime job to support her and her sister, as they were minors, childcare services was said to come visit so they could be placed with state guardians if no family members appeared. Laura would have to wake up early in the morning, do the chores for the house, make breakfast, lunch and dinner for the day and they would walk to school.  She remained in school as she knew how much education was greatly important to her mother, she tried to juggle both school and the duties for the house. After school she would walk her sister home and prepare to work her night shift at the local bowling alley. When she came back from work at the early hours of the morning, she would study for that day of school and get the smallest amount of sleep. One could see she was extremely exhausted, but she kept pushing as she was all that her sister had.

The social worker finally came to visit, and she could evidently see that Laura was exhausted and declared that they should be entered into the foster care programme as no family members had come forward. Laura begged the social worker to do her best to make sure that her and her sister would get placed in the same foster home, but the social worker made it clear that it would be difficult to achieve that, but she would try her best. They were eventually placed, and they were unfortunately placed in separate homes, as she was a little older, most foster families preferred younger children as they were less difficult to parent so they declined the offer to take them both and the family’s financial standing could only allow for them to take one.

Laura was devastated to be losing her sister, but she never gave up the thought that  they will one day be together again as a family. Laura had asked the neighbour who had helped during her mother’s accident to be her temporary guardian and she promised to not be a burden to her. They stayed together quite harmoniously, though they were some disagreements, they had great respect for one another. Laura wanted to fight the decision that the social worker had taken but she had no financial capacity to hire a lawyer to get her sister back. She often visited her sister at her foster home to check on how she was doing and each time it would bring her great sadness when she would have to say goodbye.

She would go back home and cry as she wished things were different. She hoped her mother were still alive to guide her through this tumultuous time. She began to apply herself a lot more in school as that would help her get a good job and be seen as a suitable guardian when she was of age, to take care of her sister. She made sure she was the best student as her mother would have found great pride in. Her guilty pleasure through all her academics was art class, as it allowed her to express her frustration without words, as words were not exactly her forte’.

She kept her head down, ensured that she stayed out of trouble and worked tirelessly in school and at work. She was saving up the money she was making at work for university funds as she was aware that it would require a large sum of money. She had used all of the activities in her life to distract herself from her emotions of deeply missing her mother’s presence and wanting her sister by her side. She pushed until was exhausted. It had been three years since her mother passed away, she was eighteen years old now and doing her final year in high school. Her sister was also growing up very quickly as she was also now fifteen years old. Her sister had been complaining that her foster family were not treating her at the same regard as their biological children and the thought of her sister being mistreated, angered Laura. She would constantly send plea letters to the social worker, which unfortunately never received any response.

Part three: Butterfly… butterfly, fly away

The end of the year was approaching, and Laura had become very nervous as acceptance letters from universities were being sent out and she was anxiously waiting for hopefully a positive response. She had applied to the most prestigious universities to afford her the best opportunities for success and to get future employment through networking prospects. She had applied for a plethora of things as she was not sure yet what she had had her heart set on, she had law and art very close to her heart and was hoping to get accepted at a university close to home so she could still see her sister. The letters finally arrived, and she got accepted at four different universities.

One of the universities, that was quite far away, she was accepted for law and art and the rest only law which were a bit closer. She realised that this was a decision she could not make alone, though being accepted for art and law was a blessing it was also quite unfortunate due to the distance. She could not imagine being that far away from her sister, so a resolution had to be made. She went to go visit her sister that day after school and they discussed for hours what the best possible course of action would be for Laura and her sister as they would both be affected. Her sister wanted her to follow her heart and she had said whatever decision she makes, whether it is to go to a university far away or close by, she would support her wholeheartedly.  Laura was afraid to leave her sister, she felt like she would be abandoning her if she went too far away.

She eventually decided to shockingly go to the university far way that offered law and art because during her talk with her sister she reminded Laura that their mother would have wanted her to not limit herself and follow her heart, also the university she was going to was one her mother had always wanted her to attend. It was a difficult decision, but she felt content once she had made it. She decided to choose herself in this one instance. Before she was set to leave, her and her sister went to their mother’s grave and Laura sobbed for the first time in a long time at the fact that she would not be able to share this moment with her mother. She cried looking over her mother’s grave. She did not realise it immediately but going to her mother’s grave brought her some relief she did not know she needed. She set off on a plane to her new destination to university, though she was terrified, she was equally excited for the new adventure.

She arrived at university eager to learn and succeed. She applied herself profusely as failure was not an option. Art was surprisingly her favourite class; it allowed her creative mind to soar, and it also helped her apply herself more intuitively in her study of law. She never faulted with checking up on her little sister, every day after all her classes she would call and they would talk for hours, laughing, sharing the events of the day. It brought her immense calmness and peace to share moments with her sister. The journey of university went by quite quickly as four years later she was graduating with cum laude, top of her class. She stood with pride, smiling at her sister in the audience as she accepted her degree. She finally had reached the end of this chapter and a greater one was to be opened.

She wasted no time, as a week after graduating she represented herself in a case to be her sister’s legal guardian. She won with conviction and great pride that all her hard work had paid off. She had been hired at the best firm in town and was ready to change the lives of both her and her sister. They found an apartment they could call their own as her sister was to start university soon at a nearby university to study music. It was a new era of happiness she thought. They finally settled in and would share sweet moments of singing while cooking in the kitchen, the songs they would sing with their Mama. They would dance happily, hopping and flowing around the room as they did when they were kids. Laura had conquered many hurdles and trials to achieve all she had achieved. She had chosen to take her power back even though she was quite young and took control. She chose not to allow her traumas to define her but to build her. She still drifts to memories of her mother and smiles of the great woman she was and hopes one day to emulate that beautiful energy for her sister. She still will never know why all that has happened had to happen but today she chooses to focus on the image of her mother that cannot be snatched from her memories of truly who her mother was. Laura was just a mere caterpillar when life shook her to the core, she was forced by her environment to undergo metamorphosis and she was greatly relieved to fly away and become a butterfly.